Last week we began introducing you to the Feeling Buddies in our Brain Smart Start. As we all know, this COVID-19 outbreak has taken it’s toll on the mental health of all of us.
Although children are resilient, we want to be intentional about putting some tools in place to help support their resiliency. The Feeling Buddies help us do just that! As we begin to recognize the signals of different emotions in our bodies, we can name them and use helpful tools to manage them. Brain Smart Start is one tool that helps us manage our emotions in a proactive manner.
In today’s video, Jenny shares some helpful tips for how the Feeling Buddies can help you and your child regulate difficult emotions. The Feeling Buddies help us support our children as they develop healthy inner speech. That is necessary for self-regulation.
In Conscious Discipline we call this the DNA Process. A calm adult can help their child regulate big emotions by practicing these skills. Here are the steps with a brief description to help you work through this with your child:
D=describe the signals that are happening and indicate a particular feeling: “Your eyes are like this ____. Your mouth is like this ____. Your head is like this __.”
(BREEEEEAAAAAAATTTTTTHHHHHEEEEE)
N=name the feeling. Give it a specific name such as sad, angry, scared, frustrated, anxious, or disappointed. “You seem frustrated.”
A=acknowledge positive intent. This is where you give your child the benefit of the doubt and assume the best. “You were hoping you could go outside.” “You wanted the next turn on the video games.” “You were hoping you could buy that toy.”
Once you have worked through these steps you can help your child with some positive choices. Help them find a solution or do something that is helpful to them or to others.
Here’s what the the whole process might look like:
Scenario: It is time for dinner and your child wants to watch videos while they eat. The house rule is no screens at the table. You remind your child of the rule and give an assertive command to put the device in the basket. The child resists, stomps her foot, and begins to cry and protest.
Breathe and wish well as you approach the child. “Your head is like this and your hands are like this. (demonstrate) Breathe with me. (slow down and breathe with your child) You seem disappointed. You were hoping you would finish watching your show. It is hard when you have to stop. You can handle this. Put your tablet in the basket and you can watch it after the table is cleared or after your bath. Which one works for you?”
It can seem challenging to remember all these words and can feel almost like learning a new language. You can follow this link to get a printable poster that you can hang up in your home to help you remember what to do. Give it lots of time and practice! It will get easier and it is so helpful to you and your child as you learn to navigate these difficult times.